Reflections on the creative process

As the main project has now come to end, each woman who has taken part reflects on their discoveries and experience throughout...

From Angie

There was once a woman - who had lived most of her life in London but this Saturday she, I,  have been living in my new home of West Wales for a whole year!  Being a part of the Llan project was really significant for me. I believe the Universe had responded to my feelings of loss and looking for a new connection by guiding me to participate in the project. Starting in October, when I was very low, mourning the loss of my friends in London and not knowing who I was anymore, I had retreated into a period of reflection and self-healing. The project offered up an opportunity to reignite my creative fire and channel the deep thinking and self-discovery I was experiencing.

Meeting the other women in the project, those telling their stories and those facilitating and filming us was something I needed. It very gently revealed a space and a time for me to believe in myself again. The communication and relationship building was both nurturing and nourishing.

The period of six months for the project had seemed long at the outset but suddenly, there the 4 of us were in March, with Tracy, eagerly, excitedly, waiting to watch our films! It was a joy to see what the other women had created. I was deeply moved by the honesty, the courage, the insights and the fun we had all clearly experienced. It all went so quickly, I wish there had been more time really, as once my creative juices got flowing the ideas just kept on coming. When I'd completed and seen my film, although delighted and moved and stunned by my achievements, a small part of me did think "Hmm, I could have done 'such and such' there" and "oh that' would have worked brilliantly"

And now, well, I have set up my workbench and tools in our conservatory overlooking the valley that gives me so much peace and inspiration for life and started making silver jewellery again. I continue to write my monthly emails updating friends and family of our progress in our new home and business adventures. I would love to come together with the women of Llan again in a year’s time to reflect on what has passed and make another film!

From Pamela

TO BEAR WITNESS                               

                     

To bear witness to myself

is..

Beautiful,

To see myself

is…

Deeply Revealing

To listen to

My own story

Told how I needed it telling

is…

So satisfying

There are no words.

Just tears

(or smiles, or sighs, or laughter)

If I try

to

Find some words,

They might be…

‘profoundly healing and satisfying and a glorious affirmation’.

But those are just words.

To tell my life

so

It ends with hope and love

Brings closure.

To tell my life  

so

It may begin again

Brings hope.

To be seen,

To be heard

(For that is what a film may do, I discover,)

Means it is imprinted

Forever

As the life I lived.

What better gift might there be?

It is a Llan place

It is a sacred place.

From Sheila

The experience of working with Valley and Vale to produce a short video about my home life has been wonderful.  The combination of the very professional help from the Tracy and her team and the amazing support from my own family was very humbling.  To have a camera crew come into your home and make a permanent record of whatever you'd like to show them is quite something!  For many years now I have been banging on an alternative parenting drum, trying to encourage parents to think about how they parent their children in terms of their emotional well being as opposed to their other achievements.  The Wisechild Video is an amazing sample of the product I'm selling.  Before we made this video I had no proof of the relationship I share with my children or how fun and relaxed they are, now I do.  It has given me so much more confidence to talk to people, now I can say, look at the video see what I'm talking about.  And people are looking, the video has had more than 6000 views.

From Suzanne

Being part of this project has been incredible. It has expanded my ideas of what I thought I was/am capable of and has made me bolder in trying new things. In my art practice, the use of film and sound have now become a possibility, and this is incredibly exciting!! I enjoyed making the film so much that I want to continue doing this in some way. I feel like a child again exploring new areas of wonder and delight! The home stuff and its frustrations are still there but the whole process has reminded me that everything in my life is material that can be used in creating something. It has been incredible getting feedback from others too, who have said, "I feel like that". It feels good to know that others may find the film, and indeed the other films too, helpful in some way. It has been wonderful working with the other women too and I hope we will all stay in touch. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity and have loved every minute of the process, and working with such incredible and talented professionals too.

Film-making as a process of personal transformation by Pamela

The journey of creating this film is taking me through the photos and memories of renovating of our longhouse. I had certainly always remembered the difficulties. 

I was told during the five year period that many couples split up during living- on- building- site renovations because it is such a strain.

Well, yes, but we didn’t.
 

In writing the story of my Llan, I am reminded of the care, time, focus and attention to detail we put in to make it what it is today…a beautiful home.

I sit here in my sunflower yellow office on orangey red desk chair and white desk.  I now share quiet companionship in this room with still-not-divorced- after- all- we- have- been- through- husband. I look around with a quiet gladness, even awe, at our brave endeavours . I will choose to let go residue of lime green bitterness of how hard it was. It makes it easier for warm colour coordination.

   

Contented and peaceful in my Llan, I smile as I remember that I hated the word ‘contented’ when I was my younger earnest passionate idealist self…I guess age DOES have a lot to do with things! 

Yes, the outer world is still filled with injustice, violence and environmental destruction. These days I allow myself to see and rest in the beauty more often, in my home as a starter.  The sign near my entrance door says..’Home is where our story begins’

Some homes begin very difficult stories. Like for my children.

In conveying the story of being an adopting mother to my adopted daughter within the film, I am challenged to not fall back into the hurt and difficulty and heartbreak.

I am creatively given an opportunity to use the art form of film to use an image, a sound, maybe no words at all. 

Tracy sat with me in my kitchen as I grappled with how to convey that story on film, and a few more tears and shards of hurt had to come out before I could find the way of telling it so it  may become a ‘GOOD’ story.   

By ‘GOOD’ I don’t mean ‘happy’ and ignore or pretend that there was no endless heartbreak of my daughter’s rejection.  Her running away back to her birth mother after nine years of my mothering was real and humiliating and devastating.

   

No, by ‘GOOD’ I mean how can it move me on in its telling (thank you Tracy for your sensitivity and stillness) But more importantly, so that the film may touch viewers in the places they have also been heartbroken. Then together filmmaker and film watcher may be sharing a story of humanity ?

       

Anyway, ponderings…as a needed break from working out what camera shot goes with what photo, what text, what sound and in what position? 

    From heart to head and back again.

    The story of my adopted son is much easier to tell.

    He did not want to break free of my heart and home.

    

Now seventeen, he still comes back home from his working apprenticeship in Swansea three nights a week. We hang out and chat and laugh together and share a love of musical theatre which is good for singing together in the car!

Another break will be writing Valentine cards tonight to absent wild fire adopted daughter and level headed -living-at-home adopted son so they know they are still loved.

There is the miracle, that a broken heart can and will love again.

Maybe first I will jump up and down on my small trampoline for ten minutes so the body gets a look in too…

  

Roll out the Red Carpet

 It's a very exciting day for our project today, as we launch our fantastic four films made by Angie, Pamela, Suzanne and Sheila. 6 months ago none of the women had ever thought about making their own film, and for some they had never considered the possibilities of finding creative ways to explore and document their experiences as mothers, and now each of them has written, performed and directed their own film!

Each story is unique, and the diversity of experience in the quartet of films is very exciting and inclusive. We hope this means that our viewers can find stories that resonate with their own experience. We would love you to give us feedback after you've watched the films, so be sure to add a comment below.

Today is International Women's Day and Sunday is Mother's Day in Ireland and the UK- lets share these films as wide as we can and inspire all mothers to think about what their lives might look like in a film!

Thanks for sharing the journey with us this far.

To see the films visit:
http://www.valleyandvalecommunityarts.co.uk/news-category/celebrating-international-womens-day-2013/

'How to tell a story with one image?' by Pamela

I found it today.

 

A huge willow woven heart

(In local craft shop window)

Called me over,

Across the white and black

Of the zebra crossing.

Huge willow woven heart

Beat loud enough

To command my entry  

Into the Beauty of Many Hearts.

Orange and green made-from-felt hearts,

Red- woolly- knitted hearts,

Ceramic- glass- turquoise hearts,

Recycled- materials hearts,

Ruffled- multi- textured hearts,

Glittery- hearts,

Hanging- on- a- thread- hearts.

Well, it is two days before

Valentines Day.

Then I found it,

Or did it find me?

I knew we were meant to meet immediately

In a basket of lesser hearts,

(No disrespect meant

But somehow,

In comparison,

They were…

Small and nondescript.

To me, anyway.)

There it was.

I found My Very Own Heart

Large Black Felt Heart

Edged and held together with

Red wool blanket stitches.

Scattered shiny red buttons

Of various sizes,

All round, with four small black holes

Stitched on

With red cotton.

What else

Was On my Very Own Heart

That tells my whole story?

Red embroidery thread on black felt,

Describes red feathers…

Or are they leaves?

Small red beads as berries,

Holly or rowan or both.

In the centre…

In the very centre…

Oh joy of joys…

White Thread Bird.

Dainty white stitches for curly tail,

Open wings and beak

Lined with small fluffs

Of white felt.

Delicately beautified with

White pearl and

Gleaming silver beads.

A Bird of Peace.

As if that were not enough,

In between 

Two upper black felt curves

(Which shape any heart,

Though not always edged with

Red wool blanket stitches)

There was

A small red heart

Within 

Large Black One.

It’s purpose was to hold in place

A white hanging ribbon.

In delight..

I held the ribbon

So

Black Heart hangs from the heavens

On a shaft of white silver light.

Beneath,

At the bottom point

Which every heart may reach…

Were two small silver bells.

If Black, Red and White Heart

Were shaken,

Silver bells sing.

I left the shop

Called ‘Beautify Me’

With my Valentines Heart

It is how I would like to end my story.